real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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