We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
