He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
