mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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