Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
