Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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