I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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