i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
