Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
