I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
