You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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