If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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