GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
