some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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