I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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