just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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