I've blown a few things in my day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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