Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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