haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
