return my video game
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
