i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
