I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
