Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
