there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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