i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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