Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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