I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
