whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize