"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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