he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
