I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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