I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
