in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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