just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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