You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
