u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
