Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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