Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
