I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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