An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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