if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
