fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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