Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
