walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
