Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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