you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
