She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize