Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
