this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
