Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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