woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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