There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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