How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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