ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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