make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
