I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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