Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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