Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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