Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
