lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
