If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
