I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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